TIL FORSIDEN
  DET MUNTRE HJØRNE
   
 


AKTUARVITSER
RELEVANTE LINKS
TIL DETTE EMNE
    USERS.AOL.COM
A life actuary designed a new coverage "Senility Insurance". He expected low claims because "If you remember that you have a policy, it is proof that you are not senile."
How many actuaries does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer:
a) How many did it take last year?
b) How many do you want it to take?
c) None, after credibility weighting, we have indications that the bulb is still lit.
d) None, the insurance department is not allowing any modifications to the bulb at this time.
e) Have any of our competitors changed bulbs yet?
f) None, they prefer to leave us in the dark.
Actuaries like to have fun ... when nobody is watching.
An actuary is someone who'd rather be completely wrong than approximately right.
Two actuaries are duck hunting. They see a duck in the air and they both shoot. The first actuary's shot is 20 feet wide to the left. The second actuary's shot is 20 feet wide to the right. The actuaries give each other high fives, because on average they shot it. (Several variations on this: golf shots; head in refrigerator and feet in oven; etc.)
An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.
What do you call an actuary who is talking to someone?
Answer: Popular		  
An actuary is walking down the corridor when he feels a twinge in his chest. Immediately, he runs to the stairwell and hurls himself down. His friend, visiting him in the hospital, asks why he did that. The actuary replies, "The chances of having a heart attack and falling down the stairs are much lower than the chances of having a heart attack only.

Why don't actuaries read novels?
Answer: The only numbers in them are page numbers.
An actuary is in a bar when a woman asks for his phone number. He stops to think for a moment and then replies, "I'm sorry, I've seen so many numbers today. I just can't remember the exact number, but I can probably estimate it to within 10%.
Why do male actuaries like to use the end urinal? Because it reduces the probability by 50% of being pissed upon by someone else.
What does an actuary's wife do when she has insomnia? She rolls over and says, "Tell me again, darling. Just what is it you do for a living?"
When you ask an actuary a question that requires a one-sentence answer, they respond by telling you where to find the source material from which you can calculate the answer yourself, then proceed to describe the pros and cons of different methods of calculation.